Q. My husband sometimes wants me to engage in sexual activities with which I’m not comfortable. Do I have some control over what things we do together or should I just go along with his desires?
A. In thinking about this question, I imagined what would be the answer if the guy had written and asked the same question. I’m sure all counsellors would say “No, you don’t have to agree to whatever your wife asks of you – just politely and graciously refuse and explain why”
One wonders then, why so many wives believe, or are told, that they should do whatever is suggested sexually. This imbalance causes much heartache and lack of one-ness within marriage where our sexual encounters are meant to be for mutual pleasure. By refusing any activity which is not attractive to you (and explaining why in the best way you know) you will be helping to address other issues of consideration and mutual respect.
Note: In answering all these questions, I am coming from the perspective of marriage being the blending of two people into one – where each prefers the other over themselves and puts the other’s welfare before their own. In other words, it is the highest form of being “one in Christ” which we can witness.
However….in our experience of church life, very few married people experience true one-ness and resort to role-playing and accommodating each other’s sinfulness rather than working at “provoking one another to love and good works”
If only one person in the marriage is a Christian then obviously one-ness cannot apply in spiritual issues but it is still something which can be achieved.