Leading Together in the Home

By Margaret Mowczko

I was reading Leviticus recently and I came across this verse: “Every one of you shall reverence his mother and father. . .” Leviticus 19:3a (NASB.)

I was intrigued that “mother” was mentioned before “father” so I decided to search for other verses in the Bible that might also mention “mother” first.  I couldn’t find any.  But what I did find surprised me.

I found over a dozen verses which command honouring, respecting and obeying your father and mother, with both the father and mother always mentioned together.[1]

I had anticipated that in Bible times, when the culture was predominantly patriarchal, that the Old Testament authors (in particular), might have written verses that just mentioned honouring and obeying the father – leaving out the mother.  However it seems that under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, they were careful to always include honouring and obeying the mother as well.

The only exceptions that I could find (please let me know if you find others) is in Malachi 1:6 and Hebrews 12:5-10. Here “mother” is not mentioned at all because God is using the example of honouring and respecting fathers as an analogy of honouring God as “Father”.

I then decided to look at the book of Proverbs because I knew that there were verses there about heeding a father’s teaching.  Again I was surprised.  While I did find two passages about paying attention to the father’s instruction with no mention of the mother,[2] I found two others which included the mother’s teaching also:

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 1:8-9

My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 6:20

So what is the purpose of pointing out these scriptures?  To try to address the imbalance that over-emphasises the husband’s leadership in the home and family while under-estimating the wife’s leadership.

Clearly these verses show that, even in patriarchal times, God’s view was that the husband and wife were equally worthy of honour and obedience; and that mothers as well as fathers were to teach their children.

There is no scriptural reason to suppose that a mother’s teaching is necessarily less important than a father’s teaching.  A mother’s teaching can, and should, include important and valuable life lessons, including spiritual instruction.  Moreover, the Bible shows that a woman can teach her adult sons valuable lessons, even if they are the king!  (See Proverbs 31:1-9 cf Song of Solomon 8:2a.)

I firmly believe that God’s ideal is that families and households are to be led by the husband and wife; where the family responsibilities and resources are shared, not according to rigid gender roles and cultural expectations,[3] but according to each person’s skills, abilities and temperaments; where neither the husband nor the wife is “the boss” because the real leader is the Lord Jesus Christ, leading and guiding through the Holy Spirit.

The overemphasis on subordinating wives (and women in general) is still too prevalent in many Christian circles, and I believe goes beyond what the Apostles Paul and Peter envisioned when they were writing about family relationships.


[1] Genesis 28:7: . . . and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram.

Exodus 21:17: Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.

Leviticus 19:3a: Every one of you shall reverence his mother and father. . .

Deuteronomy 5:16; Exodus 20:12; Matthew 19:19; Mark 10:19; Luke 18:20: “Honour your father and your mother . . .

Deuteronomy 21:18-19:If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will “not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town.

Deuteronomy 27:16:Cursed is he who dishonours his father or mother.’

Matthew 15:4; Mark 7:10 “For God said, ‘Honour your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’

Ephesians 6:1-2a: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” . . .

[2] In Proverbs chapter 4 the author seems to be the father, which may be why he did not mention the mother.  The other verse is Proverbs 13:1

[3] Many traditional gender roles are not actually prescribed in the Bible, but are the result of cultural and societal conditioning.

© 27th of January, 2010; Margaret Mowczko

This article was first published at newlife.id.au here.

This entry was posted in Authors, Bible, Leading the Home, Marg Mowczko, Practical Living and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Leading Together in the Home

  1. Charis says:

    Thank you for pointing out these examples, Marg.
    Amazing what gems we find when we open the Bible and read with fresh eyes!

  2. krwordgazer says:

    I have seen some teachings which actually seem to re-write the fifth commandment. “Honor thy father, and let thy mother see to it that you do.”

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